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There are plenty of foreigners schlepping tables in restaurants and manning the register of the neighborhood convenience store. The days when you could just fly to Japan and go door-to-door looking for jobs are over. On a resume, that becomes “Instructed EFL classes for international students studying abroad.” Teach your three year-old niece how to count to five in Japanese. Shows how much you know about “English.” In Japan, that word actually means, “Do what you’re told.” So that’s kind of the opposite.

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Missing an opportunity to be outraged is like missing a reference to Derrida-it’s social death.

If you ever need to make a white person feel indebted to you, wait for them to mention a book, film, or television show that features a character who is the same race as you, then say “the representation of was offensive and if you can’t see that, well, you need to do some soul searching.” After they return from their hastily booked trip to land of your ancestors, they will be desperate to make it up to you.

As a rule, white people strongly prefer to get offended on behalf of other people.

It is also valuable to know that white people spend a significant portion of their time preparing for the moment when they will be offended.

For my first interview, I wore a red tie and sat in this giant videoconference room in L. Nobody wants you to put the coffee scoop into the tea pot. I never really considered this option, since in the past I’d been a programmer in the States, and I knew what that entailed. This is what you do when you’re done teaching English. “Training” may also be part of the job, which is where you take a group of jet-lagged college grads whose last job was scooping ice cream and explain to them the intricacies of teaching English in a day and a half. Recruiters may also fill other positions, working on commission.

Washing dishes Actually, I had seven in mind, but it was late at night when I started this and then I fell asleep on the floor with a glass of white wine and some Calbee’s potato chips, so I ended up typing something like 6. But I also kept hearing something that sounded ominous. At one point, the interviewer said, “Are you familiar with the phrase, ‘work-life balance’? Here, the need is often for someone who speaks English, and enough Japanese to get by. Tech jobs for foreigners are often in international companies, where they need someone who can communicate with their counterparts in English, possibly provide tech support in English, and also speak enough Japanese to get along in the office environment.

Finally, an interviewer may want you to demonstrate that you can, in fact, do the job. You stand up, say some stuff, then ask the students to do something. Online since 1998, and just keeps getting bigger and better. JREC-In If you’ve got a Master’s degree, a few published papers, or a Doctorate, this site is your best friend. If so, then this site lets you compete with native Japanese people for that Mechanical Engineering job you always wanted. Craigslist Tokyo Has anyone ever actually gotten a job off of Craigslist? But like the Casual Encounters section, it’s interesting to visit Jobs just for the sheer randomness. My Shigoto Never fails to remind me of My Sharona, but that’s just a happy coincidence. The layout looks like a dog took hold of the Wanted section of the newspaper and somebody threw the remaining shreds in a bucket, but there are a ton of positions if you’re willing to sift through the listings. Nail the interview, get yourself a one-way ticket, and it’s everything you never liked about your home country.

Welcome to the exciting world of Japanese academia, Doctor. Gaijin Pot A consistent resource, with a lot of position listings. This is a great site for people who want to work in bilingual jobs. Soon you’ll be going to maid cafes and drifting cars through Shibuya on a daily basis.

Jeez, excuse me for a minute while I run to the convenience store. Lots of English teachers float along for years, not really going anywhere, while going back home becomes increasingly difficult. Should it come up, just laugh loudly and then chuckle something about nouns under your breath. Here are some sites that will help you land your dream job in Japan: 1. It’s got a ton of position listings, and doesn’t make you spend hours grinding out an online resume before applying.

“I taught Japanese kindergarten for five years” does not look that impressive on a resume. I mean, that’s why we have Google; so we don’t have to learn stuff anymore. The art of the demo lesson is a whole other subject, but let’s just say that for the most part, teaching isn’t really that complicated. Before you can get an interview, of course, you have to find a job in Japan. Just upload a PDF highlighting your best points, set alerts for jobs matching your interests, then sit back and wait for the offers to arrive.

The high point of my day was pretty much going to Starbucks. And since I’d already had my share of stressful jobs, I was starting to think more along the lines of, Come to Japan and work in a surf shop.

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